2017 at a Glance

There’s always a first and no matter how exhilarating or painful that first experience is, you’ve just started cracking open the shells to usher in the beams of a better world; a world of heightened senses and worldly knowledge. So keep going, oh brave heart, keep going!

2017 has been a great many things to me, as I’m sure it has been for you. It was an unexpected U-turn, a heartbreaker, a wise fool who reminded me just how transient everything is and a devil who missed not one chance to fill my head with doubts. But amidst all that, my self-love and the desire to be true to myself is the one thing that was of supreme importance. This year was also testament to my innate nature of biting more than I can chew. I piled up so much work on myself and although I was able to accomplish a majority of them, it was a stretch. Perhaps the next year, I’ll learn how to pace it out. But who am I kidding? I’ll probably still be up at 4am trying to finish an article or a book for review.

Like everybody else, this year has attempted to bowl me over with certain happenings. And had I allowed it to devastate me, I wouldn’t have realized some very important lessons. The key is to never lose faith in yourself. Then, you’ll be just fine. The tips, tricks and cheat codes lie within you. So look there, and you’ll find that you have everything that you need to conquer each day.

In terms of getting tattoos and reading books, I’m not as pleased as I wanted to be. I had planned to get a couple more inks and read atleast 50 more books, but somehow, I just didn’t. Falling short of ticking off those goals has made me all pumped up to race into the next year with a great start. What I am exceptionally proud of is sticking to my Bullet Journaling. It has enabled me to keep track of my daily habits, goals and to-do lists in a very creative manner. For that I commend myself. Finally, on the education front, I’m so glad to say that I got my first level Korean Language certificate. Now, my inner thoughts are as much in Korean as they are in English. Tons more to go before I’m entirely proficient, but this is one of my most cherished milestone of 2017.

Lastly, I’m gradually becoming more attuned to what’s happening around the world. While it’s all very alarming, I still have hope for us humans. And I wish to actively bring about a change in whatever way I can. Note to self – create content for awareness and positive change!

I hope 2018 is filled with as many ups and downs as 2017 has been. I hope that in between tears and laughter, I continue to recognize the privilege I enjoy. And I hope that I’m able to spread the love to others, that I have been fortunate enough to receive.

Wishing all of you a SPLENDID 2018…

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It’s Not Your Fault

A friend of mine once said, “Being close to somebody is about how they make you feel.” This couldn’t be more true. We cling to the people who make us feel strong, special and worthy of good things. We gravitate towards those who can give us what we’re looking for from life – be it fame, money or just a social circle to fall back on. But what happens when, as time passes, they’re no longer the person you used to identify with? Maybe you feel the need to justify their changed behavior and you are wont to accepting them nevertheless. But there’s also a fair chance that you just can’t “go with the flow”. And that’s okay.

Like me, you may be standing at that point in life where your only human interactions are with your family (if you’re an adult living with your folks, that is) and/or select friends via social media. You may be wondering what happened to all those hour long conversations with your bestfriend(s) from school or college. You may be seeing them in a new light. In between all that, you may also be questioning yourself as to “What went wrong?” The answer is nothing. It’s not up to you or me to prevent someone from being who they wish to be. Neither are we obliged to deal with a relation that has grown toxic.

All of my experiences has taught me one important thing, amongst others. If you appreciate or value somebody, make sure they know it. Cause there will come a time when engaging in small talk with said person would be a strain. We’re all caught in the throes of keeping up with today. And so it’s only likely that we would grow and flourish in the way we know how to. It’s only likely that people will grow apart for a hundred different reasons. A shuffle in priorities, conflict of interests, distance and on goes the list. But you can’t possibly hold it against them for choosing to walk away or yourself. In a world of no-strings-attached, guarded conversations and rising number of online “followers”, you ought to consider yourself lucky for having enjoyed something meaningful, even if for a short while.

Sometimes, bestfriends become strangers and families get estranged. That’s how it is.

This is something I should have understood a long time back. Perhaps, it’s something you’d like to hear now.

Anyhow, the festive season is here and I truly wish y’all a fantastic end to this year!

xx

It Has Been 5 Years.

Five years have passed since I started this blog, since I battled indefinite bouts of laziness. Five years of unimaginable change, not just in myself but in my surroundings. I’ve grown accustomed to this change; to never declaring any possibility as absolutely improbable. For I’ve turned the tables more times than I’d thought myself capable. But amidst all that change, there’s one thing I’ve ascertained – my love for reading and writing is entwined into my being. It gives me such joy! A part of me applauds that I haven’t given up blogging (With two previous failures and a mastery of procrastination, what else could I expect?) But writing has always been a balm, a friend like no other. I could lose myself in analogies and alliterations all day long, immortalize my concerns and curiosities. I can’t get enough of the joy of explaining my writings to those who’ve just skimmed the surface of it. I can’t get enough of putting my berserk ideas on an online platform, even if nobody truly understands it. Maybe the magic of writing is just that. It doesn’t expect anything of you. In fact, it is the one true thing that embraces who you are.

I have been blogging about books and writing poetry for a long long time. There’s more to me than that and I’d like to be consistent with introducing new elements on my blog. But until then, I’m glad I have this… The fifth blog anniversary.

29th July

Full Circle

Copyright (c) Mohan Nair, 2016

Copyright (c) Mohan Nair, 2016

Slighted
And worn, my child,
Devoid of comfort. Her
Make, so bothersome, riled ’em all.
I’d made
Her so.
I’d swathed her in
Trials, inevitable
Obtrusions. Alas! she joined the
Lot; sat
With my
Failures of the
Last time and those before.
With such precision and care, I’d
Contoured.
Painted
In peculiar
Hues, adorned in jewels,
My baby outshone the last, but
Her light
Was to
Be dimmed by the
Blurry eyed. They sought her
Light for themselves. But unable,
Killed her.
And there
My craft left me.
I wandered in search of
Refreshing art, only to be
Beckoned
By my
Children. You see,
Nothing remains undone.
We come full circle, wherever
We go.

– Meera

Of Denials and Freefalls

Hemingway once said, “Write hard and clear about what hurts.”. Agreed. Our emotions are extremely heightened when we suffer a blow. But life is a game of juxtaposition, of myriad highs and lows – neither of which can truly assuage the other’s grasp on our disposition. So today, I am going to write about what makes me feel alive, what crackles on the surface and dives deep with the frequency of a tuning fork.

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Copyright (c) 2016, Mohan Nair.

Shrouded in denials
And elusive games, I
Was preparing to fly. Soar far
And high.

A lick
Of the future
Was enough to topple
Me. Ah! the magnificence of
The heart.

As the
Ground rushed to meet
Me, embracing winds peeled
Off the inhibitions. Tempted,
I smiled.

We cling
To our pasts for
We know what we want of
Our future. All immersed in ours,
I am.

At first,
there was nothing.
Then I tumbled head first
All limbs and emotions. Now I
Know not
How to be, devoid of that love,
I let course through me. What
Else would I be?
But this.

This new
Self that knows no
Bounds. This new thought, dauntless
And swift. A ricocheting orb
Of hope.

– Meera

Goodbyes Should Be Like “See You Later”s

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Christ University | TCEP | Batch of 2016 |

I immersed myself within that moment.
Soaking in all the smiles, sounds and bonds.
Aware that amidst the joyous
Occasion, lurked a bitter
Realization. We
Had known life one way.
Now we were to
Start afresh.
With the
Skin
Of
Our past
Selves, we were
To embark on
A new sail. I wished
For a time loop. One that
Would permit me residence
For a little while more, in the
Least. I stayed as long as I could, letting
Go of my bias and inhibitions.
I had grown wont to a rare kind of
Camaraderie and love, it
Had swept me up. And now I
Was gingerly being
Placed on the ground.  I
Opened my eyes.
And let them
Engulf
Me.
This
Wasn’t the
End.

– Meera