Lately life has taken an absurd turn, a sudden change of events. I am not sure what exactly is the cause of this. Everything (okay, well almost everything) is a little blurry and I keep having these totally weird identity crisis issue. Like I don’t really know what I’m upto. I don’t even know if this makes sense. I feel like I’m not able to get through to other people, like they just see me as a fuzzy white cloud with no constant shape. And no matter how much I say, they just don’t get it! I have never been one to restrict my personality from evolving by drawing boundaries or anything. But recently it feels like I ought to be doing that or otherwise I might completely lose hold of who I am. :S
Uptil now, I believed certain things about myself. I knew what I was, and I definitely knew what traits didn’t fit my description. But now I’m questioning myself and wishing that things would fall back into place. How do I spot the reason for this drastic change? How am I different than what I used to be, a week back?
Being honest with myself has never been difficult. Even if sometimes (rarely) I tried to convince myself of something which is not true, I knew deep down that, it is what my heart wanted to believe. So if only I could comprehend better. It feels like walking around in the fog, unsure and puzzled. And I don’t like it one bit!
One example would be that I love dancing. Always have. But yesterday, I sort of willingly gave up on an opportunity (one that I’d been craving to grab!) At first I thought I’m just being extremely shy. But that’s not it. Awhile later, I didn’t mind dancing in front of hundreds of random people. Regardless of what they thought, I knew I’m just doing what I love. So it can’t be the “shy factor” right?! And my love for dance is definitely not fading away. Am still as passionate as before, maybe more. Then what the hell am I doing, walking past opportunities like that!! Ugh! ><
One other major concern seems to be my inability to voice my opinion. Or so it seems. But its also possible that other’s aren’t tuned in, right? Or maybe I don’t have much of an opinion on certain topics? Must I have something to say about everything in life.. I don’t think so 😛
All this is just flying over above my head! And I’m left wondering like a fool 😛 I keep mentally yelling at myself to DO SOMETHING! And it yells right back “WHAAT?!” 😀
Sighh. Looking forward to the day, I figure it all out 🙂 Hopefully it’s not far. You see, I love my life all colourful like rainbows 😀
You have a good day!