It couldn’t have dragged out any longer. For every time I inhaled and exhaled, the clock seemed to move thrice as slow. The anticipation of waiting for my results was excruciatingly nerve racking. My mind seemed to be all over the place, unable to stay on a topic for more than a couple of seconds. Any longer and I would have felt like an actress in a silent movie. Heart pounding faster than what seemed to be the speed of light, I’d make a painstaking effort to not refresh the page (our results were to be declared online) every second. And hope against hope, that somehow I’d get to see what I was expecting. Impracticality and wishful thinking were high on my list at that time. But to justify that, I knew I had worked hard so wishing for a little more didn’t seem unfair. In all sincerity, I knew I would get or rather I should get what I deserved. Nothing more nothing less. The countdown was buzzing in my mind unceasingly. Like an alarm clock with a damaged stop button. Every second, every minute was a constant reminder.
Seeing but not feeling. I’d observe my immediate surrounding. But my brain, too busy with thoughts of what I’d most likely see, was unable to process. I have always been sort of impatient. I never liked waiting. But this situation was clearly out of my hands. It was like a practical joke on me! I’m naturally a very hyper active person. So obviously all the adrenaline and hyper-activeness didn’t need an invitation this time. It was like an overdose of Redbull. Trying to come up with “what-ifs” about the future is the worst thing you can do to torment yourself. And my brain apparently loved scrutinising me! It just wouldn’t stop thinking about what grades I would get.
After what felt like I’d grown really old really fast, the results were up! And instantaneously my eyes closed of their own accord, my heart skipped a beat and a very heavy rock seemed to have settled comfortably in my throat. No doubt I’d been waiting for this moment all my academic year. But all of a sudden the queasiness wouldn’t pass. Gathering every ounce of will power and gulping down the positivity potion, I peaked. Just one eye. What I first saw didn’t seem so bad! Then slowly realization dawned upon me. I had actually scored better than what I had anticipated in some areas but not that great in one other. But at that moment, I was overwhelmed with gratitude (to the Almighty) and a sense of warmth filled me. Reap what you sow. Fate. Destiny. Miracle. I believe in it all. My hard-work paid off and that is the most important part. Albeit I’d like to have gotten a bit more (Ambition!), for now, its enough. Next step, shall aim for more and work more 🙂 A BIG BIG THANK YOU to everyone for their wishes and prayers.
There’s a path I’ve chosen and I’ll walk with my head held high despite the difficulties. 🙂